If anyone happened to catch Ellen’s Mother’s Day show today it was quite fascinating to see where technology has taken us. While most of the show focused on giveaways for new mothers, Ellen did have her resident beauty expert Kym Davis on hand to demonstrate some new high tech gadgets for” moms-to-be”.
One of the items she featured was an ipod/iphone speaker which you, uhm, insert, lets just say, somewhere very near the fetus. The thought is, that it brings the music much closer to your baby so it can really hear the jams without the interference of those pesky organs like your liver, pancreas, appendix, uterine wall or whatnot.
Now I am a music lover as well as a gadget lover. I have an ipod exclusively dedicated to all my 5000+ songs but this just seems a little too, I don’t know…. intrusive. What if your baby doesn’t like your kind of music? You have essentially trapped him or her in the same room with your “god awful racket”. (My dad used to say that). At least with an abdominal speaker, little fetus can give it a solid inner uterine kick and dislodge the offending device.
If it is your singing or your spouses vocalizations that they find offensive and they need to get away from your infernal caterwauling then they can lodge themselves in between those aforementioned irksome organs that apparently block sound.
I mean has no one heard the term “musical torture”? Even the UN has banned the use of “loud music interrogations”.
It is believed that the repressive military leader General Manuel Noriega, was brought down by a siege of heavy metal music being blasted at him from loudspeakers attached to Humvees outside his embassy.
In February 1993, law enforcement agents and the military laid siege to a Texas compound belonging to the Branch Davidians cult, trying to arrest its leader David Koresh.
During the 51-day stand-off, it is claimed they played pop music - including Nancy Sinatra's These Boots Are Made for Walkin' as well as Tibetan chanting.
Today, Ellen’s show was hilarious with Kym then bringing out a set of hair extensions for infants, in the event that parents are not happy with their baby’s natural coiffure. Infants could cover their bold spots or change their look all together.
Many readers may remember that we wrote an article on this very product back in 2015. For those who do not remember or do not want to search the archives for it. I have attached it below. Enjoy! And if you have heard of some crazy new gadget that we should investigate drop us a note.
Here is our blog from May 2015:
So I am walking out of a store yesterday and I hear an ad on the radio about hair extensions for newborns. For $30 your newborn girl can look like the feminine child she is meant to be instead of the bald bugger that she really is. I mean how many times have you gone to see a friend or family members newborn and said “wow she is butt ugly if only she had a full head of hair then she would be a knock out”.
Sorry folks but if I just had a 7 pound bundle of joy pass through my “woo hoo” I would not really be focused on her head of hair. After I counted her fingers and her toes and heard her resonating pipes, I think I would revert to thinking about my sore “woo hoo” not her head of hair or lack there of.
Me being me, I had to google this thing and yes it is a real product called Baby Bangs. What's next Baby Spanks for the little porky McPork??
It is amazing, the products that are being marketed to new parents or soon to be parents. Here are a few more little gems I have come across.
Oh morning sickness if only there was a way to make it more bearable. Well, now there is. If you choose to barf in a “designer morning sickness bag” you will definitely feel better sooner and hey you can probably get anyone to dispose of it for you because it is so pretty. Just don’t mix it up with that housewarming gift you are bringing to your sister-in-laws on Saturday.
This brings me to the next great parenting product. the very, graphic birth doll. Complete with detachable placenta parts. I mean what child wouldn’t want to have their own placenta parts to play with. Or better yet to hear about the intricacies of a vaginal child birth or experience the advanced doll which depicts the additional excitement of a vaginal birth after a caesarian section. I mean how graphic do we have to be for our children. I am an adult and I don’t want to know the gory details and not to mention I do not want that doll staring me down from the shelf in my bedroom after the birthing is over.
Now if you you don't want to splurge for the real thing. There are several versions of a homemade birthing doll available on Etsy. (People really have too much time on their hands).
Ok you have made it through the morning sickness and giving birth. Now you have the little rug rat and he has a mean case of diaper rash. How do you clear it up and clear it up fast? Well I am so glad you asked because the best diaper rash cure has to be the “butt fan” What else could dry up a case of red hynie but a specialized bum fan with whirring blades that you point at your little man’s jewels. Oh yeah that sounds so much safer than some zinc oxide and a diaperless romp through the house.
Ok peace out for today. I am off to scour the web for more new and disturbing products. Until next time!